I consider myself someone who is relatively new to the business of writing. Even though I have 5 books that have been published and have been writing for more than a few decades, I’m still brand new to the self-publishing world and to the art of tooting my own horn.
Some people are natural braggers. They are confident in themselves, proud of their given task, and generally arrogant enough to announce to the world that they have arrived.
That person is not me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly proud of the work I put out. It could always be better, but that’s the life of a writer. Arrogant? Not the slightest. And anyone who knows me will concur. So that leaves confidence. Well…let’s just say that my confidence level is fluid and leave it at that. Some days, I’m riding high on the words I’ve put to paper. Other days, I’m ready to throw in the towel and go back to hiding my work for my eyes only. Again, that’s the life of a writer.
I am a writer. Right?
Here’s the thing most folks outside “the business” don’t understand….we writers are mostly dumbstruck when it comes to talking about our work. “What is your latest book about?” you might ask. And me – lacking in confidence and unsure about every damn thing – will sputter around and say something lame like, “Uh…it’s a romance novel.”
My books aren’t just romance novels. If they were, I’d have run out of ideas years and years ago. Yes, at the heart of my work are romance and love. But (hopefully, I might add) my characters are more multi-dimensional than just two people looking to connect, get laid and live happily ever after.
As I said…hopefully.
I digress (like this is anything new). My point to this blog is that I’m not at all comfortable bragging about my work or myself. Until a little over a year ago, I could barely call myself a writer out loud. Thank goodness there are plenty of people in my life who like to do the bragging for me.
Okay….so if that is the case, I have to ask myself why I’m so hesitant to toot said horn. I love my “babies”. I love the characters, their stories. I love holding a book in my hand with “my” name on it (it’s a pen name, but you get the idea). I adore splattering the walls of my office with posters of my book covers, handing out bookmarks I’ve made (that are gorgeous by the way), and gifting books left and right.
WHY THE HELL CAN’T I SAY WITH CONFIDENCE….I AM A GODDAMN WRITER?!?!?!
On second thought….I’ll leave out the goddamn part.
Maybe I need to do what our teachers had us do in grade school so many moons ago. I need to write, “I am a writer” fifty times – a hundred times – over and over until the words are as rote to me as saying thank you.
Somehow I doubt I will ever be the person to stride up to you and announce (without fear or hesitation) that I write for a living. Until then – and until I’m actually doing well enough to do it for a living – I’ll keep right on stammering and blushing.